"By then I already thought I lost you forever," he said tears gathering in his eyes once again. It was a touchy subject for him. Losing people was something that Key did very well and the thought of losing Woohyun sickened him to the point were the pain was unbearable. He couldnt stand it anymore. He just wanted to be close forever with him. He wanted to never have to give him up, for anything. But most importantly he didnt want to be left and forgotten again. The boy had always loved him. Always, even when he wanted to hate him love found its way. Key never believed in soul mates, friendship, love until Woohyun. Love seemed funny and cruel to him. Like a game there was rules and if you cheated then you were out.
He could remember the day he gave up on love. The day his sister died and his mother basicly did too as she fell into complete depression. When he had to remember everyday that he couldnt call them, yell about the door being left open, see their smiles. He knew his mother treasured Mi Cha. Well he knew she was her prize just by her name that went perfectly wih herself, beautiful girl. Though Key on the other hand, was still trying to live up to his mothers expections. Which was the explanation that his mother left her right mind when her doll broke.
"Do you…" He paused taking a deep breath to cure his shaky voice. “Do you still love me?" He asked. Even though the other had said it more than once. He needed to make sure that his heart was being put together rather than ripped apart because the feelings felt all to similar.
Woohyun shook his head hearing Key’s words. “Ani, you never lost me. Ever.” His pale hand reached out to wipe away the developing tears in Key’s eyes. He slowly moved his hand down to caress his cheek. ” That really is a silly question to ask. What do you think my answer is?” His fingers trailed down his cheek, allowing his thumb to run over Key’s bottom lip. “Of course still love you, nothing about that as changed. I promise.” Slowly, he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.
Being honest, Woohyun tried to get over Key for some time. His drunken nights at the clubs in Japan ended with forbidden hooks up that the next he wouldn’t even remember what happened. No matter what he did, he would always imagine it was Key instead of the person it was. After weeks, he gave up seeing no point to continue anything knowing the only person who stayed in his mind and heart was Key.
The dark brown haired boy pulled back from the kiss slightly. “I’ll always love you, you have to remember that. I can’t hate you…I truly can’t hate you as much as I wanted to before. I just want you to be by my side, no where else but with me”
He couldnt help but almost die. He didnt have to overflow with emotions anymore. His life could be good again, he could be happy to wake up and go outside. It was perfect now. He was perfect. His love right before his eyes was intoxicating. He needed him so much and really couldnt live without him. He didnt want to live without him. Key touched Woohyuns hand feeling his warmth. Something he wanted with a passion.
Why did they leave eachother in the first place? It was such a bad decision to leave. He caused himself pain, so much pain thats not even humanly possible to take in all at once and he was sure he had caused that much pain for Woohyun too. But none of that mattered as they were together now and Key couldnt get enough of hearing ‘I love you’. If there was a drug for this Key would be hooked. He really was in love, all of the signs showed and maybe this time apart was good. It helped him see if the one he really needed was Woohyun. By now Key was pretty damn sure that his other half was him.
Nothing could replace the spot Woohyun has in Keys heart. Nothing and nobody because there really was only one place for his significant other, and it was Woohyun. “I always wanted to be with you Woohyun, I needed you from the start. Right when I left I missed you and honestly, I would have killed myself if that was the only way to have you again,” He said, his body shaking from painful memories of those times he actually tried. But now he was so glad that he failed, fate had brung them together and nothing was going to take them apart.
Everything was coming together again. Here he was staring into Key’s perfect soft brown eyes, feeling his touch once more, and re gaining the one love he needed. The one love that he needed to allow him give himself the light to live. It was horrible knowing how addicted one could be to another person but this was love, it was true love. Without Key, he felt lost in the world, thinking he had no more meaning to live. Having no one else out there for him only wanted him to disappear from the Earth and be with his loved ones in what they call, heaven.
Destiny seemed to have played a sick game on the two. Taking them apart as they went overseas around the same time and allowing them to slowly lose each other. Woohyun admits at the beginning his replies to Key had been slowly, to point where it was only one message a day. But the other had always managed to answer. That;s why when the messages stopped coming it didn’t seem as big until days, weeks, months passed. He felt abandoned, But it all seemed to be in the past now, it didn’t matter. But he still wanted to know the truth behind it all.
I would have killed myself if that was the only way to have you again.
His eyes widened hearing those words. He looked to the side as the memory of that night replayed in his head. The cries, the screams, the yelling, it all replayed within his head. The feeling of the glass glazing across his arm, and saying his last words. I love you Key. He shook his head trying to forget it all. But it was merely impossible as the reminded was carved into his skin. He reached out to move the hair away from Key’s forehead. Woohyun leaned down and laid a gentle kiss. “If you died, I wouldn’t even want to be alive knowing I would have lost you forever.”
This was really it. All he wanted handed to him in a matter of seconds happiness filled him and it was something he yearned for. Key couldnt believe the beautiful boy in front of him. He really thought that their connection as well as their love was lost in time but he was so glad that it wasnt. They could pick up the pieces and start in an even better place than when they left off. Key ran his fingers through his hair. This hungry kiss that he only dreamt about for the past two years was exactly what he wanted. Key felt like a teenager again. The feeling of just being so in love with someone and you would do literally anything to be with them, whether it be running through heaven or hell to get to them.
Key searched Woohyuns eyes as he spoke and a smile came upon his lips with a laugh. “Mm my thoughts exactly,” he kissed him again, pulling back to say a few more words. “So will you be my boyfriend, Nam Woohyun?” He asked smiling. It was a stupid question. He was pretty sure they knew the answer to that question but he was going to ask anyways. Key didnt want to just think about what he wanted to say anymore. He was just going to say it and say it he did. “I want to call you mine again, please be mine. I cant live without you. I didnt mean to hurt you, forgive me. I love you so much, just forgive me I need you,” a couple more tears running down his cheeks.
Key hoped to God this wasnt some kind of sick joke. It felt to real to be fake but then again, is anything real? He better not be kissing the love of his life, having any hopes of happiness come back just to have it all go to waste. To fight again, hate eachother again. No, not this time. He was going to do all in his power to be with Woohyun, for as long as time allows.
Flashbacks of all kisses that had shared rushed into his mind. From the first kiss in Japan, up to the best one it, their reunion kiss. It was a moment he had waited for so long. It seemed to be a dream that he hoped to never wake up from. The entire feeling was as if he was falling in love all over again with the same boy whom has owned his heart since day one. Many mistakes were within their relationship that only made Woohyun realize that the only person he wanted was no other than Kim Kibum. Feeling his touches on his skin once more was an addiction he couldn’t get over.
Key’s laugh made Woohyun’s heart enlighten. It felt so good hearing that happiness once again in his love, but even more as he agreed with his thoughts. When the question was popped out, a huge bright smile crossed his lips. When he was about to speak, Key continued to talk. It had seemed everything he was saying was being taken out of Woohyun’s mind. Woohyun’s hand reached up to softly caress Key’s cheek wiping away his tears. “Do you realize how much I’ve been waiting for you to say that?” His eyes began to water. “I missed you so much. I need you Key. My life is a mess, and you’re the one sense of light I need to make it through his hell hole. I love you so much, more than you know. I want you to be mine again, I want to be yours again. Of course I accept being your boyfriend…pabo. ” He laughed through his tears, and reached up to wipe them away.
This was a moment that he dreamed about. Reconnecting with his one true love. The boy whom he became addicted to, to be able to survive in his reality of life. Without him, Woohyun was a mess. Now more than ever he knew he truly needed Key to survive. “Without you…I can’t live” His eyes looked deeply into Key’s with all his affection.
Key was dying to say what his father did. Making him live under watch all the time, taking all means of communication to the outside world away from him. He was always being watched and walked with. Whatever kept him in line was done. His father knew his tricks all to well by now, knowing exactly how to stop them. It was like his mind was being read and his actions controlled. Training was already hard enough. He didnt want to do it and would try to run away time after time. The only thing keeping him going being the fact that he hoped that once he got out Woohyun maybe just maybe would be waiting for him. Though that dream grew far to impossible.
"I didnt have a choice," he said eyeing the scar on his arm before the other covered it up. “No its not just nothing!" He yelled a tear running down his cheek that added to a few more and more. He loved having him here but it was unbareable. The timing just couldnt be better and he hated that. He hated that he wanted him here at this time right now.
A warm pair of lips was pressed against his own and he melted. Key instantly wrapped his arms around the others neck bringing him closer. He didnt care anymore, he needed this. His worries and fears, the not wantings and the hate when away. It was childish how something as simple as a kiss could make him so done with pride. But it was the person that was kissing him. The one he loved with all his heart made everything better. “I love you,” Key said inbetween breaths. He was the only one holding back from saying those words. It felt so good to say them again, this time really truely meaning it.
Many questions filled his mind that he wanted to ask Key. He wanted to ask him where he was, why did he leave him, had he done something wrong? Too many questions that he didn’t want to bother asking now. He was with Key now, that was all that mattered. Woohyun didn’t want to waste any time in questioning him now, that could all wait for another day. The reasons, could have mattered to him nothing. Whatever it was, could just stay in the past. As long as Key just stayed by his side now, that was all that mattered to him.
He sighed lightly pushing the topic away about the reasons for now. A loud voice suddenly broke the quiet atmosphere. Woohyun’s head shot up with wide eyes. Tears fell down his princes eyes and his heart broke. “I….” he swallowed. He had no idea how to explain the scar on his arm to the other without worrying him. “It was just..something that happened. I-…” He wanted to say it was a mistake, but in truth it wasn’t. He had done it on purpose. “..it was too much..” that was only way he could explain his attempt to escape.
Key’s reaction was more than he had ever expected. A shove, a push, a slap was what he believed would come his way for his attempt of feeling Key’s lips once again but, no, it was completely the opposite. When the other male wrapped his arms around his neck, Woohyun instantly wrapped his arms around Key’s waist pulling him closer, afraid to let go. It had seemed that everything between them had disappeared in a matter of seconds. The kiss was filled with love, passion, and long awaited desire. Woohyun leaned forward pushing Key to the ground, yet not parting their lips for one second. The three words he longed to hear finally were released from Key. Woohyun responded back by kissing him more passionately than ever before not wanting to stop to take a breath. Eventually he pulled back just ever so slightly to smile truly after two years. “I need you back….”
Exactly what was going on? Why was he being embraced? Key didnt understand why he was being told all these things, he thought that Woohyun hated him. He didnt want to believe the words “I always wanted you,” because those simply werent true. Someone just could not go from one thing to another like this. Maybe it was because he wanted it too, so much. It was almost heaven being told the words he dreamed about. Untill of course he broke the hug and began yelling again. This time with tears making Key shut his eyes tight to hold in his own tears.
But his eyes quickly opened when he heard about a funeral. The black haired boy looked down on the other before sitting in front of him. “I didnt know,” he said. Why didnt he know this? He knew nothing of the sorts till it hit him again. “Y-you what..?” Freezing up, Keys heart beat a million times faster. There was no way he could have heard those words. No way at all. It was all too unreal.
Key turned his head to look Woohyun in the eyes, quietly wiping the tears off of the others face. He scanned his face for answers moving his hand to Woohyuns lacing their fingers together. As he moved his eyes from his hand to his face half way up his arm he stopped turning his arm to see exactly was there. “Why?” He said almost so quietly it could barely be heard.
Another thing to bother the hell out of him. Why would he do this to his beautiful skin? But Key couldnt say anything or that wouldnt be fair. It just struck him so much more than the scars on himself. Woohyun couldnt have done this to himself, why? Who caused him to do this? Key maybe. But wasnt it himself who brung him to scar his own skin. So there another similarity between them. That reminded Key of what Woohyun would do if he saw his scars. The boy nervously tugged on his jacket to cover his wrists.
Everything that was built up seemed to have been slowly released right at that moment. For so long, he kept it all bottled inside thinking the day to tell all, would never come. But here he was, on his knees crying his heart out almost practically begging Key to come back to this indirectly. All those days, months, years he had been away from Key had been hell. He had dropped horribly mentally. He had wasted nights drinking, skipped class in school, dropped soccer, dropped dance, he was a mess. His popularity surpringly never declined, just his imaged had changed in front of the students in his school in Japan. He went from the charming prince, to the ice prince in a single day.
"didn’t know…that’s right,you didn’t because you never returned my calls, texts, emails…nothing. You just let me alone completely…" His eyes shut and he shook his head remembering the horrible memories. How he would always check his phone every moment to see if there was any trace of Key, it went on for months, to the point were he stopped waiting. Woohyun turned his head to see where Key was staring. He brought his other hand and held it over the scar. "….." he stayed quiet looking down. "It’s nothing. " This scar was only a simple reminder of where he would want to be, gone.
The warm touch of Key’s fingers laced together with his, made his heart beat fast. The three words that slipped out of his own mouth were unexpected but it was the truth. The simple truth in which his pride held in. Woohyun squeezed his hand, and closed his eyes. A emotionless chuckle escaped his lips. “I must seem weak right now don’t I? Here on the ground, on my knees in front of you…but, I don’t care. I don’t fucking care one bit. Fuck pride right now.” Without a single thought, Woohyun forward pressing his lips against Key. A kiss he has been wishing for, for the past two years.
His heart was beating madly within him. Being this close to Key at this moment seemed to have been a chance of one in a million. Memories rushed into his mind of old precious flashbacks of the too. The moments they spent together just like this filled with laughter and smiles. Woohyun wanted it all back. He wanted to hold his hand, tell him how much he felt for him, kiss him, wake up in the morning by him. He wanted it all back, it was his only desire.
Key smiled to himself when he felt Woohyun putting his arms around him. He just didnt want to feel this way, he didnt want to feel love yet he didnt want to be pushed away. All of his feelings and wants clashed together in a never ending cycle between ‘no’ and ‘yes’. What was he supposed to chose? Because either way, there would be pros and cons. But at the moment all of the cons seemed to add up to being pushed away of course making being loved the only right road to take. He didnt want to admit the fact that he wanted Woohyun back. He didnt want to admit that he just wanted to be in his arms again, told stories of how they first met or being told how much they ment to one another. That was just to far away from now, if anything something closer to never. Key knew that from all the hurtful words that Woohyun didnt feel the same. Even though how much he needed him to feel otherwise, Key didnt want to fight for something he knew was so far fetched.
The boy placed his arm on the others back and started walking into the appartments and into the elevator. He pressed the 2nd floor with this other hand. The two waited for a couple moments before Key lead them to the front of his appartment. Fishing around for his keys in his pocket he opened the door. “You know to just make yourself comfortable,” Key said with a sigh.
His anxiety once again came in waves. He wanted Woohyun just to pass out, making it easier for him to just relax slightly. It was almost stuffocating to have him in his house. This was his space and he wasnt as comfortable with the other in it as he might have been back then. “Do you want something to drink? Water?” He said nervously rubbing the back of his neck. It was weird how just a few minutes ago, Key was fine. Being loving and showing affection towards Woohyun but now he was nervous, upset and just plain freaking out inside.
"Dont get mad, I am taking you home afterall," such words slipped from his mouth like nothing. He said ‘home’ like his home was Woohyuns home. How could he let himself do all these things? Let him feel love and affection, care, happiness. This was all that came with Woohyun. Things he wasnt able to feel without that person present in his life. Key swore he heard Woohyun say something, something he couldnt hear so he just didnt pay attention to it. He pulled into the parking lot for the appartments and unlocked the doors. Walking over to the passengers side he unclicked the others seat belt, giving him a quick glance with slight eye contact before he figured it wasnt something exactly safe to do.
Key put out his hand to help the drunkard bastard out of his car. “And you think I dont care,” he laughed a bit. The black haired boy grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the seat. “Do you need me to help you or do you think you can walk straight?” He asked eyeing his condition, trying to see if he was okay or not. He was lucky, to be drunk when they ended up meeting again. So that Key would be in nurse mode almost, wanting to help and make sure he was okay. Not like that didnt happen everyday.
He didnt really know what to do. He was hoping that once they got inside Woohyun would pass out, so no words they would regret was said. Nothing would happen between them. Just the fact that Woohyun was in his house made him nervous and his anxiety levels were going through the roof. But even though all of that was happening, he still managed to be comfortable. Happy.
Home. The way the word was expressed made it seem as if the two lived together. Shared one single home, free to spend as much as they wanted together. A far away fantasy that was indeed. He was starting to hate how he was feeling now, as if all the anger he held in earlier was being pushed away and was trying to get as close as possible to the boy he loved. If he was sober, this was something that most likely wouldn’t have happened. His pride was always first but in this state, he could care less. You only Live Once~
Woohyun blinked staring down at Key’s hand and back up. He wasn’t sure if it was smart move to do but his body reacted before his own mind did. Woohyun took his hand and helped himself out of the car. Once he was out, he stood up fine, only having to blink a couple of times to try to clear his head, He took a step forward and almost lost his balance but caught himself. Without thinking he walked to Key’s side and wrapped an arm around his waist to help himself walk to the front of the house.
So many thoughts were running through his head at that moment that he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to yell, yet he wanted to be close. He didn’t want to leave his side, this closeness. Woohyun felt as if this was his one single chance to let Key knew he wanted him back ,that still loved him. But the anger…it might just be worth it to put all back for single time and let his pride go for his last shot at happiness.
"What, I just dont want you doing anything maybe because your fucking drunk," he said turning the car on. He felt the other leaning on him and it only made his heart skip a beat. Key patted his head in an involuntary moment. He was really just digging himself a grave even being here. Why did he come in the first place? Woohyun tricked him didnt he?! Saying that he would kill himself, knowing that Key would jump from whatever he was doing to run to him. It was obvious wasnt it? The way Key cared for him was too hard to hide. Though when he starts to think that maybe just maybe he might give in, he tells himself that he cant. He cant because he might hurt Woohyun or even himself. But every thing the other was doing. The little thinks like leaning on him, broke that protection layer bit by bit and he couldnt fix it.
"You worry me, you know that?" He said with a hint of his bitchy nagging voice that he would give just to piss people off. It was true. All thoughts in his mind were of Woohyun. He couldnt help but worry about him, what he was doing or if he was alright. And now knowing that he went out to drink more offen than he should was something that almost killed him to know.
He couldnt stop his self from give a bit of affection to the boy. He was just wanting his love so much that maybe if he gave some that there would be some return. Key wanted to make sure that he was comfortable, because he was causing himself so much harm by constantly going out to drink all the time. He had to make a turn so this was a moment he could use as an excuse to bring him closer to himself so he put an arm around Woohyun pulling him close as he made the turn and left his arm there. It was a bit childish yes but why did it matter. It was fun to be childish once in a while.
"Drunk? Oh that’s something that isn’t new" He mumbled his words into Key’s shoulder. He rested his head on the boy’s shoulder and closed his eyes allowing himself to take in his scent. This moment, it was comforting to be so close yet again to the boy who had stolen his heart. "Yup,..a dream." He mumbled again in a very low tone hardly audible It was silly to think about how many times he dreamed about something like this. To be so close yet so far away to him. His hair fell down his face, covering his eye as he laid there. .But what if all of this was just meaningless, having no meaning later or the next day for Key at all? His eyes lowered and he swallowed. Like it mattered…he would just go along with Kibum’s act if he decided to do so.
He turned his head to the point where his keys slightly glazed over the skin on Key’s neck when he spoke. “That’s funny…” He chuckled coldly. “Doesn’t seem like it one bit you know? Would have never guessed it.” It was hard to believe the words he spoke. If had cared, where was he when he needed him the most? No where in sight was for sure. But didn’t want to say it now, he just wanted to enjoy the moment he longed for long ago.
The car turned down the road and a felt an arm around his shoulder. He guessed it was to prevent him from going off to the side. But the arm stayed there, not moving from where it was. Woohyun’s eyes shifted from the Key’s face to the arm. He lowered his head down and a small faded smile appeared on his lips. He inhaled deeply and leaned more against Key. He was hopeless, he wanted his love, his affection, his care, he wanted him back.
All of the words that came from the other boys mouth made him feel weird everywhere again. That weird warm feeling that left a sour taste in his mouth. He listened intently trying to take all of his words in. He noticed Woohyun standing up. He could feel himself wanting to talk back, yell, curse, cry just like the last time. But the fact Woohyun was drunk let him keep a straight face. Woohyun attempted to hit Key and he had no thoughts of moving. It was kind of a fail at a punch when he fell into Key. He grabbed his arms trying to make sure that he wouldnt fall. “I’m sorry,” he said without emotion. There was no point in pouring out a whole fight about how eachother felt blah blah blah.
Key put the others arm around his shoulder to support him. “You should stop doing this your going to hurt yourself,” a sigh as he put an arm to his waist trying to move him out of the club. He was stupid, a stupid jackass that didnt know what he was doing half the time because he didnt have any common sense. Key told himself over and over that he was just a person, someone he shouldnt and wouldnt have any futher more feelings for. But why was it so hard to keep himself from overflowing? He couldnt build a bridge but he could very much cry a river. Cry over how he missed him so, how he loved him so. But no he couldnt love him, he was sure that hate was the only thing he would get in return. It was always better to be disliked than liked. Not as much disappointment or pain. There wasnt any strings attached. He could do what he wanted without any expectations.
It was kind of a struggle practically dragging the other into the passengers seat of his car. Key opened the drivers seat door. He didnt even bother asking where Woohyun was living nowadays because he was pretty sure that there wouldnt be an answer to that. “I’m taking you to my place, honestly I dont even want to talk to you,” he said leaning over to buckle the others seat. “Dont do anything crazy or else,” an empty threat. The black haired boy was just too emotionally exhausted to deal with him at the moment or more exactly, never.
If Key hadn’t shown up, Woohyun most likely by now would have gone outside and picked a fight for the hell of it. Feeling the pain from the punches and kicks would have distracted him only for a few minutes but at least for a while. Key was never off Woohyun’s mind, he always there present, and he hated it. Hated it because he couldn’t forget the one person he wanted to the most. The moment he fell against Key, he wished that he would be able to fell the others arms around him, holding him close but no such thing happened. Only two emotionless words came out from him. “Fuck you.”
The way Woohyun’s arm was around Key that moment seemed to only bring flash backs of the past when the two would be going down the road spending a day together with Woohyun’s arm around Key’s holding him close. The laughter’s, the smiles, the cheesy lines shared between them, it was all the memories of happiness he had left. Woohyun leaned against Key trying to keep his balance steady. When he spoke, Woo only looked over and lowered his head keeping a straight face not even wanting to speak a word.
Woohyun fell into the passenger seat and laid his head back only groaning loudly. He still wasn’t sure of what was going on was reality or a fantasy but it didn’t matter. Key was there, and that all seemed the only thing he cared about. “Pfft.” going over to Key’s place was certainly interesting, it only made him believe it was a fantasy from his alcohol fiesta. “Crazy…that’s funny…” He chuckled. Woohyun’s eyes slowly began closing as his sight got more hazy. His body fall to the side, resting against Keys.
A glass fell to the ground in a shatter as he tried to pick it up without cutting himself. Key had been in a mess since he found himself back in a pit of depression and anxiety. ‘I’m alright’ became his favorite lie and going home for most of the day had became his hobby. Even when he was sitting on the couch trying to get inspiration for a new dance did he disturbe the peace by moving his hand causing his water glass to fall to the floor. The boy was such an idiot lately, not paying attention to anything. The glass was all over the floor as he tried carefully not to cut himself, though he was so used to that now and his wrists were proof of his pain. Gathering small shards of glass in his hands he walked over to the trash. Washing his hands free of any straying shards a sigh came from his throat. He didnt have the right to say it was a ‘long day’ when everyday was a long day. It just seemed that he was a sitting duck waiting for something to happen, anything really. He wanted to feel alive again, to feel loved, feel happiness but God knows how hard all of those things are. Key wasnt going to go out of his way for something so impossible anymore.
The black haired boy walked over to the couch again to sit and maybe get some work out. Youtube and a note pad had been sitting open for more than half an hour with nothing written down. No steps, no song, nothing. It was irritating how he didnt have anything to come up with. You cant come up with a master piece without your paint right? Besides there wasnt even a song he wanted to use and that was the first step. Right at the time he was about to give up, a song popped into his head and he instantly typed it in, giving it a listen. The beat was fast and lyrics sentimental. It was good for a symbolic dance which took him back to the roots of dance. As he started to write down the lyrics and giving each move a name his phone rang.
He didnt even bother to look at the caller ID before pressing slide to answer. He didnt get even one word in as the voice over the phone began yelling and he knew exactly who it was. Key even considered just hanging up and taking the battery out of his phone something other than talking to the jackass on the side of the phone. What was he saying? This was really random and definitely unnecessary. Yet again, did his words hurt a lot but he tried to have it not get to him. The other hiccuped, making Key slip out a slight laugh. “Are you drunk?” He asked. No answer and just another bunch of words hitting at him again. "I bet you want me to die don’t you? Well let’s see if it happens tonight. Cheers my friend." Key jumped up and waved his hand franktically as if Woohyun could see him. “WHAT NO!” He yelled. “Where are you?! Dont do that! Stay were you are I swear to fucking God, Woohyun you move and I’ll do something whether it be to you or myself do you hear me?!” He yelled again typing in something on his phone to track the others location. Perks of being in the FBI.
A jacket was grabbed from the counter and the door slammed behind him. Key ran to his car barely being able to open the door with his shaking hands. He took a look at his phone to see where the boy was. He knew the place well, and was kind of glad that it wasnt far from his apartment. A few minutes later he parked and opened the door to the night club. Scanning around he found the familiar body of the other black haired boy. Key quickly moved towards him, slapping him across the face. “Do you know how worried I was about you, fuck you,” he said with a huff.
His mind was a in haze. Everything inside was filled with a dark cloudly mist. It was absolutely perfect except for one small detail, he could still remember Key. Each time he drank it always was like this, trying to get rid of the boy who broke his heart with several drinks But no matter how many he had, he still remembered Kibum perfectly well. His memories from all those nights never seemed to stick to his memory except one.
The day his father passed away, Woohyun had spent the entire day at the funeral never showing a hint of emotion. To everyone around him, he was being spoken of horribly. A boy who had just lost his father hadn’t shed a tear. He heard it all, but it only made his heart fall in more pain. When he got home that day, he emptied the entire collection of alcohol that was in his home. He sat on the floor in his black tuxedo letting all the tears fall. He screamed, he yelled, he cried loudly yet no one was home to hear him. In a drunken mental fucked up state, he tried to stand up holding a bottle in his hands only to fall and shattering the glass bottle into pieces. Seeing all the glass on the floor, he took one piece allowing it to glaze across the skin of his arm deeply. All he thought at that moment was his abandonment in the world.
The housekeeper was the one who had found Woohyun in the morning. Surprisingly all the alcohol in his body and all the blood he lost didn’t kill him. He didn’t have any memories of his actions, but he knew the emotions at that moment still lingered in him. Perhaps that was what drove him to Korea, not perhaps, he knew that was the reason. In finding that one single light that could keep him see out of darkness,
Woohyun sat on the leather couch, his head going from side to side unable to keep it straight. His eyes landed onto the large scar on his arm that went from his elbow to his wrist. Thoughts of simply trying it again sober ran through his head, but somehow he always stopped himself before trying it again. In his heart, he always believed if he had one person, one single person there for him during that time, it would have made the light shine in…just to make him smile. A single huff was let out, as he closed his eyes hoping to drown in this world.
"FUCK" He yelled loudly at the sharp pain coming from his cheek. He opened his eyes to see a black haired boy, the one whom he blamed everything one. "Fuck…I’m seeing you everywhere. In my dreams, at the store, and now here why can’t you get off my mind." He said in a husky voice. Woohyun pushed himself up and stood on his feet a bit unsteady. "You„,Just„,Why did you leave." He lifted his arm to hit Key, but he ended up tripping over his feet falling forward against Key.
A ice filled poison glass sat on the table with different bright lights dancing around the smoke filled area. d inhaled the smoke filled air. He blinked his eyes feeling a heavy haze come over him. How many drinks has he had, 5? 6? 10? He threw his head back and dramatically sighed loudly, like it mattered how many he had. He just needed enough to get his mind to stop thinking for once. A night club, the perfect way to spend a night that was much needed. Young adults would come here often for a quick drink, a dance, or even a quick hook up. Whether it be for sexual pleasure or a great high, Woohyun saw it all. Moving back to Korea wasn’t a choice he had ever planned. It was his first thoughts to stay back in Japan, but it seems that life hasn’t finished playing its sick game with him just yet. A move that he somehow wished would make it all go away.
Drugs, the very products that gained his fathers wealth. The black haired boy was full of secrets, ones that could possibly land the boy in prison. But what else could he do? All he had for family was his father, no one else. His mother was murdered when he was 5, and forget about extended family. It was his father and him against the world, hell what else could he want. He had it all, lust, money, the brains, it was his ideal way to live. But his world came to shattering down when his father’s soul left the world. Truth be told, he ran away. He ran away from the business, from japan, all of it. The day he packed his bags and boarded the plane was a choice he made in a single day after wasting himself away for weeks. It was a choice in which he hoped he would find a blonde haired boy.
"Fuck" He shouted sitting forward weakly. Woohyun pushed himself up from the seat only to fall back down against it. He laughed loudly and simply laid back down on it. "Fucking…Key…That bastard." He cursed, his eyes staring at the ceiling. This moment was like many others he shared in the past with himself. Over doing the drinks to only end up crying over a boy whom broke his heart. "Showing his face again…fucking idiot. I’ll telll you" Woohyun dug into his pocket and took out his phone. His vision was hazy but he managed to find one name he was looking over. He pressed dial, and held the phone up to his ear.
"YAH BASTARD" He yelled loudly into his phone once the other picked up. "Why do you have to go showing yourself again only to fucking bring back memories. Never expecting to see you again, AND HERE YOU ARE. Fuck Key…why do you have to this to me…" From yelling his voice began to show his sadness but he quickly went back to his usual cocky voice. He hiccuped. “Well nothing a fucking bottle can’t fix. right? I’ll just drink as much of these down until I stop thinking about you completely I bet you want me to die don’t you? Well let’s see if it happens tonight. Cheers my friend.” With that he hung up quickly only to rise his glass and drown it down.
He watched with wet eyes and cheeks as Woohyuns head lowered and he spoke. Alone? He was alone?! That was funny. He was never the one left alone. It was always Key, being walked away from. The times he would wake up and not know where the other was and if he was ever coming back. It took him a long hard time to accept the fact that he was never coming back. “You were the one who always left me! Do you think that I should pitty you? Honestly, I would die to have what we used to. But I know that we never will. We will never have us again because of us,” he said with the obvious pain and saddness in his voice. There was no point in hiding what he felt he could show. The only thing he had to hide, was all this love that kept overflowing inside him. He wanted to feel hate, he wanted to feel himself holding back from killing him but what he felt was the want for his warmth and to be in his arms again. The soft words he would say that matched the softness of his lips on him. But nothing was ever the way he wanted. Ever. And that was life. But who was he to say what he wanted. Hell it was what he needed but he kept back, only showing his saddness.
What did this even matter anymore? Why couldnt he have his life back? It was all because of fucking pride. Woohyun wanted to keep his pride and Key wanted his, which lead to no where. If they have had this fight before it would have ended with ‘Im sorry’ kisses not punching and crying. This wasnt supposed to happen. Not this, not the broken hearts, not even them. Their relationship was never supposed to happen. But of course Key had to keep his sight on Woohyun in Japan, he had to get him no matter the cost. Because of need. What was true is that he didnt need him at the time, but he wanted him. Want that quickly changed into need that changed into heartbreak.
It was as if saddness was all that he could have. He begged for himself to wake up in his bed, to look over and see Woohyun there sleeping beside him then a sigh to have to get up from a perfect morning. What a perfect morning today though. To spend it yelling and crying. Key took a deep breath opening his mouth to speak again. “What do you think Woohyun? Isnt this great? Its what we both always wanted. A very fucking happily ever after?” He said wiping his tears from his cheeks with a sad laugh.
Was the point of having everything you desired if there was no one to share it with? Woohyun had it all, it was all under his name now. He had a beautiful vila on the outskirts of Korea, cars, a condo in the city of Tokyo in the building known for the wealthy, and everything else that was under his fathers name. .Many envied him after his passing, being the only son and having it all left in his name. But loneliness was the only thing Woohyun saw he earned. Both his parents, dead. No other family relatives known, they wanted nothing to do with his family considering the business the ran…Everything just lead up to his abandonment. Key leaving him was just the cherry on top of the cake,
" I never asked for your pity I could care less if you left sorry for me -. " His voice was cut as the next words came out. ‘ Honestly, I would die to have what we used to. But I know that we never will. We will never have us again because of us,’, The heart that beat within Woohyun’s chest wanted him back, badly. But the pride and anger within him wasn’t allowing it. He was right, because of them both they wouldn’t be able to be together. If Woohyun kept up this act, the two will never be. All their shared memories will only become a fragment of the forgotten past. Why did Key have to come back to life, why did all this pain he suffered long ago have to return.
His eyes glistened from the water building up. “This isn’t what I want…” His words were soft but faint almost inaudible. “A great fantastic damned happily ever after that ended with a boy left alone completely, and hearts being broken. A New York Times Best seller. Fuck you Kim Kibum, Fuck you…” Finally a single clear tear rolled down his check releasing the pain within him. Noticing more coming, he turned his back and began walking away hurriedly to find his only companion, a bottle of vodka.